Heeey, so yeah, I was supposed to be blogging wasn’t I? Well, Easter happened, the baby decided laying around in one spot was for chumps (aka he’s crawling and nothing is safe in this place anymore) AND, everyone in the house except the dog got the plague at the same time. Luckily, we missed Swine Flu by about a week, we just aren’t that trendy.
I figured Mother’s Day Eve was an appropriate time to remember to write again, so here I am jumping right in here with a rant. First, our local outdoor mall had the main road where we like to park closed down because it was full of “Classic Cars”. Now, I have no problem with classic cars, or the appreciation thereof, but this group usually meets at the Dairy Queen on Wednesdays. How do I know this? Because I forget it every single time the family wants to go to Dairy Queen, which magically happens to always be on a Wednesday. So it’s annoying enough to maneuver through the old folks with their camp chairs and PA system enjoying the views under the hoods in a DQ parking lot…but to have them take over the entire thru-way of an outdoor mall is a little overwhelming. We usually park there in the metered spots because with a 6 month-old it’s just easier to pull out the mega-stroller and/or carseat-carrier and hop right on the sidewalk vs. parking in one of the always-full lots and schlepping over to the actual stores. Yes, I pay for my laziness.
Laziness aside, the other issue I have is with what’s considered ‘classic’ at this venue. There were at least 10 Corvettes there…from the 80’s-00’s. There were several more pick-up trucks, including an Eddie Bauer edition Ford F-150 that I guess was supposed to be impressive?! There were a handful of actual classic cars there as well, but I’m not sure what the rest of those people were trying to prove. I mean, my husband drives a Mustang from WAY back in the 90’s…maybe he should sign up?? Do you get a hat or something?
After much eye-rolling on the way to our destination – Bath & Body Works, my annoyance mulitplied ten-fold. My mom is a simple woman, and after denying interest in ANY Mother’s Day gifts we might bestow upon her (the children are gifts enough!) she finally decided she needed a new B&BW body spray. This is fine, since they are always having some sort of “buy 12 get 4 free” deals going on. However, the biggest problem I have is not with the products or prices, but whoever in corporate has decided that requiring Every.Single.Employee. to accost Every.Single.Occupant of the store is the best way to generate more sales.
Maybe normal people appreciate the “service” and “attention to detail” this might seem to imply, however I just want to be left alone, smell the things I want to smell, and buy what I decide will give me the lowest-grade headache possible. I can, in fact, read the 43 signs indicating the “Special Deals!” you are currently offering. I can also miraculously see the bags available to me to put my myriad plastic bottles of odoriferous liquids in. If, by chance, I could not, having one or two employees stationed by the front door to explain how the world works to me would be acceptable. In reality, I was approached by *7* employees asking me the same questions, or some variation. By #5, I smiled and said, “thanks but you’re the 5th person to ask me that.” And really, it takes a LOT for me to actually speak to other humans, so that should be noted. I suggested to my husband that each customer should be given a sticker to wear so other employees can
BACK OFF find someone else to approach. I guess if that were the case I would probably have to steal a case of those stickers and put one on before I even entered the store. At the end, I picked out two sprays for my mom and let my 8 year-old pick the ‘get one free’ bottle, but we were hurrying her as if we were under attack and spotted by the enemy. “Hurry up and decide!!! There’s more coming at us!!!” Poor girl…she’s going to have a complex about smelling things now. We did make it out alive, and headed to our next destination – Target. The day before Mother’s Day. Oh, yes.
I only needed to get some cards and a nice flowering plant, but knew it wouldn’t be as easy as all that. I’ve been in the Target card section the day before a holiday before. I knew the risks.
I stayed clear of the cards that all the kids were standing in front of, opening, and making horrible sounds come out of. Despite the commercials implying otherwise, your mom does not want to open a card and listen to a loud, tinny version of some overplayed song that contains an appropriate pun or elicits sympathy smiles regarding the holiday at hand.
I was trying to stay in one section, so I didn’t have to meander my way around various carts and people that were everywhere. That is when I saw a lady that obviously needed to make her way down to the Starbucks at the opposite end of the store and relieve some of her stress with a nice shot of espresso or five.
There were three of us standing together looking at the ‘from Daughter’ cards. The woman on the far left made a loud announcement to the woman in the middle, “just let me know if I GET IN YOUR WAY HERE AS I PUT THIS CARD BACK.” (Because obviously none of us saw the flag alerting us to her staked claim in that area of the store.) The lady in the middle sort of took a step back and said, “um…okay…I’m sorry if I got in your way.” (I just ran to the snack area, got some popcorn and came back to watch.) The first woman just huffed and rolled her eyes. The shocked-and-awed lady wisely decided to make a retreat back to another section. Crazy lady then huffed some more, moved over closer to me and muttered under her breath about hating stupid people. I back away slowly so as not to draw attention, making my way to the garden center. I didn’t look back. I’m sure her mom will appreciate HER card way more than anyone else’s mom will appreciate theirs, because of all the stupid people she had to endure to get it. I mean, srsly, lady – you’re at a super-discount-store the day before a national holiday, not in the middle of Tiffany’s. Your $2.99 card matters just as much as everyone else’s.
Yes, I realize the irony in my ranting about stupid people ranting about stupid people…but I have the decency to blog about it, where very few people will actually read it, rather than confirming my anti-social-craziness issues for all of SuperTarget to witness. I do have some standards. I’m just grateful I didn’t need to venture out to Wal-mart for anything. Someone might not have made it out alive.
The finer points of humanity aside, I am very grateful for my husband and children this weekend. My husband has declared it “Mother’s Day Weekend” and has made every effort to make sure I do as little as possible with the baby, cleaning and general parenting. In addition, he just made a fabulous dinner of chicken Marsala and pasta, one of my favorite dishes. Ben & Jerry are waiting for me later. The man knows me. Iced coffee, lack of responsibility and ice cream = one happy momma.
Tomorrow we will be spending the day at Epcot’s France pavilion, enjoying overpriced escargot and waiters who try to live up to their stereotypical reputations, but are rendered powerless by the forced friendliness that comes with working at Disney. Ahh, I love it! However, it will also be in the high 90’s by the time we are there, so we’ll probably eat and get the heck out. We know our limits.
I wish any mommas reading this a wonderfully happy Mother’s Day…tell your mom you love her and cut her some slack – cleaning off your face with her spit means she loves you. I’ll try not to wait until the next national holiday to write again.