I have always identified with gypsies...they're even in my blood so I'm told. As a child, my parents and siblings would joke that if I wasn't a good girl, I'd be left on the side of the road for the gypsies to take me away...While that may sound shocking, keep in mind that first, they were kidding around and second, I secretly wished that they would. Decades later, I still feel the pull to follow my heart and wander off like autumn leaves caught in a swirling burst of wind. Beautiful sentiment aside, mostly what that trait has translated into is moving around a lot in my life.

Creativity was second nature as the daughter of a professional ballerina and sister of an amazing artist and an equally talented musician. I leaned toward writing most of my life, but was exposed to many different disciplines growing up. I made my first necklace at the tender age of 7, after visiting a Native American bead shop in southern Maine. That bead shop became a regular stop during summer vacations, amid trips to the seaside and the other wonderful scenery of Maine. I later rediscovered my love of jewelry-making during high school, where my designs played out as gifts for friends and family.

Color has been my inspiration throughout life; sunsets, forests changing from a lush green to fiery oranges and reds, the Windex-blue of the sea in the Caribbean. So naturally, that love for visualizing and combining colors instantly translated to jewels and creating wearable versions of what I saw around me in my travels.  So with renewed commitment and enthusiasm, I crafted a plan to combine all of my loves, and share them with the world. This site is just in its infancy, but I hope you will stick around and find yourself wondering "what is Zanna up to now?".

...

Ok, so that was my 'about me' when I first started this website, back in 2004 I think. A lot has happened since then, and I've grown so much as a person. At the time I created this site, I was still 'recovering' from the sudden loss of my father. I jumped into writing zines and trying to get published here and there as a way of, I think, saying, 'wait, I haven't' wasted my whole life!'. Similarly, when I turned to creating jewelry, I hoped to have an outlet for the ideas I had in my head, and maybe make a success of it as well. Granted, I did not dedicate the amount of time I should have to that venture, and have sort of let my designs and beads fall by the wayside. That doesn't mean I don't want to keep creating, I do. It's just that life got in the way.

We moved, twice in the last two years (again, nothing unusual, as it was #22 and #23 of my lifetime) and my focus turned to making sure the kids were doing well in school and trying to get settled in to a whole new region of the state. I volunteered a lot at the kids' school, and still do from time to time. For a while, I thought I'd fulfill my on-again-off-again wish of becoming a teacher. I have a few more credits (which translates into about 2 semesters I think) to finish my Bachelor's degree, and from there it would require a lot of testing and certifications. Nothing I couldn't do with time, money and the commitment, but that last one is always the kicker for me. Did I really want to commit that much time and money to something I *thought* sounded good, but wasn't *calling* me? I dunno. What if I did all that and I hated it, or worse, sucked at it? I guess it sort of goes back to my first zine and the last part of the title: "My life as a slacker". I get very excited very quickly about many different prospects, but I sort of lack on the follow-through. It's a very bad trait, I know. I've identified it, several times over, yet haven't figured out how to kick the habit completely. The thing that held me back for so long in writing or creating or anything I've done since leaving the 9-5 workforce, is fear of failure. If you don't try, you can't fail, right? Yeah, I know, but it sounds good at the time.

So where does that leave me? Well, as I said, I've learned a lot about myself in the last 3 years. I still don't have it all figured out, but the most important lesson was that I didn't HAVE to. I didn't HAVE to prove my worth outside of being a mom, I didn't have to prove my financial prowess, my writing ability, my creativity, my career choices. The next best lesson, was that the people that love and care about me still would, no matter what choice or path I decided upon. Somewhere along the line, I got a little more self-confidence as well. Sure, it still suffers, we all have insecure days, but for the most part (especially reading back in some of my livejournal entries I privatized from a few years back), I was a pretty miserable person back then. I've learned how to not get bogged down by the daily set backs and disappointments, and try to look at the big picture. Yes, I'm still impulsive as a rule, as is my husband [aren't we lucky we found each other?], which makes for some slow movement as far as growth and success goes...but every day is a new chance to make a good choice.

Hmm, I just realized this sort of got away from me as far as 'about me' info and really moved into my own personal therapy session, but that's me, in a nutshell. Probably isn't of interest to too many of you happening by this page, but there you go. If you want to know about me, you have to know I'm easily distracted by shiny objects, and like to type a lot. Anything else important, you can pick up along the way.

zanna - 1/07