Movie Reviews

REVIEW: F9 – The ‘Olive Garden’ of Movies

22 June 2021 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

Before we begin, there are no spoilers in this review. I typically don’t watch trailers before I see a movie, but I have since gone back and watched the trailers for F9 so this review will only explicitly mention scenes that are already publicly available.

I didn’t think we’d be at the point where I would be writing a review for a Fast and Furious movie, but here we are. Up until about five days ago, I hadn’t seen any of the films, so I binged them all before watching this one. I’m now fully caught up on the Fast Saga, and ready to discuss where F9 sits in this massive franchise.

F1: THE FAMILY

(from left) Dom (Vin Diesel) and Jakob (John Cena) in F9

The family is back together on another crazy mission, provided by Kurt Russel’s Mr. Nobody – one of the best recent additions to the cast. Dwayne Johnson is absent, as is Jason Statham, presumably due to some events that transpired in Hobbs and Shaw – the one film I didn’t see before F9. Luke Hobbs has been one of the strongest characters for me personally, so that lack of presence is pretty noticeable.

Conversely, there are some great reprisals here as well: Jordana Brewster returns, as do Bow Wow and Lucas Black (my favorite character, which I’ve heard is an unpopular opinion). But this film also brings back Sung Kang as Han, a character who already died in Tokyo Drift, came back, and died again.

According to my research, this is because Tokyo Drift actually takes place after Fast & Furious 6, and he only really “died” once – though F9 reveals that even that was just another ruse. I did not gather this at all via just watching the films, but apparently Tokyo was stuck in 2006 until about five years ago.

But that’s not the only surprising character update here. Dom Toretto, the family man himself, once turned his back on his own brother (John Cena), who has now come back with a vengeance. I like to think he was actually in every previous film, we just couldn’t see him.

F2: BACK FOR FUN

(from left) Tej (Chris “Ludacris” Bridges) and Roman (Tyrese Gibson) in F9

As a whole, F9 is a bit of a return to form for the series in my eyes. Not that I’m necessarily a long time fan, but this is definitely not one of the Fast Saga’s worst entries. 2017’s Fate of the Furious notably ditched some of the over-the-top stunts for a more reserved (if you could call Dwayne Johnson grabbing a torpedo ‘reserved’) spy romp. In a more devastating blow to fans, Fate also threw away one of the biggest aspects of the series: family. That is thankfully not the case with F9.

While Fate saw Dom turn against his new ‘family,’ in F9, we learn that once he did the same thing to his brother Jakob. I usually dislike the addition of family members late into a series who go completely unmentioned prior to their new introduction, but I wasn’t incredibly hung up on it here.

Story-wise, the Fast Saga has never been anything to write home about, at least not after the franchise reboot in 2009. I obviously wasn’t expecting anything grand here either, but I’ve seen worse. After the disaster of Fate’s story, the only place F9 could go was up. Fast and the Furious is the Olive Garden of film franchises – when you’re here you’re family. And this was perhaps the ‘family-est’ of them all.

The movie even has a few moments with Roman and Tej (who are both great here) that poke fun at the insanity of the series as a whole. Roman asks “Are we invincible?” to which the movie essentially answers, “lol.” It’s just a carefree action flick that is cool for the sake of cool and doesn’t take itself too seriously, and it’s way better because of that.

F3: FAMILIAR FOE

(from left) Jakob (John Cena) and Cipher (Charlize Theron) in F9

For me, the biggest hurdle for these films is the portrayal of their villains. I think to-date, Luke Hobbs was the only one enjoyable to watch, every other villain character has felt boring and dry, lacking an emotion that isn’t ‘Kill those people before they destroy my new tech-MacGuffin-weapon.’ Even Deckard Shaw, the villain that can’t seem to die, falls into this category for me, only really assisted by his evil British accent.

In F9, the family faces off against Cipher, the villain introduced in Fate of the Furious, played by Charlize Theron. While I thought her performance in Fate was one of the driest of them all, they really improved her here. She has a ‘smartest in the room’ energy that makes her almost seem like the mastermind villain in a great anime or an HBO series. She even has the same haircut!

The cast was fun to watch, the story was acceptable, and the stunts were once again out of this world. F9 wasn’t my favorite entry into the series, but it was a dang good one. I was anticipating making a reference to the F9 key – a button which these days has little to no default use – somewhere in this review, but F9 the film is worth more than that one joke.

F4: IN REVIEW

Jakob (John Cena, center) and Otto (Thue Ersted Rasmussen, right) in F9

So where does this put the series? That’s a good question. Just about every film since Fast Five ends in a way that could be the end of the series if it needed to. That’s the case with F9 as well, but they’ve already announced a tenth film, so it seems like it won’t be the true end quite yet.

In a series that’s so committed to retcons that they changed a film from 2006 to be set in 2014 to bring back an actor, anything can happen. I would like to see the films end before it just writes itself into the ground, but given how much money they generate, I don’t think that’ll be any time soon.

The past year or so has been rough for big blockbuster films, because they truly benefit from the biggest screen possible. F9 is definitely the great summer blockbuster that theaters have needed. Go see it in person to experience all the magic of a truck with super magnets pulling a car through a building the way it’s meant to be experienced.

Those interested in my ranking of the Fast Saga as a whole can check it out here. Or, check out another review I’ve done for this site.

After this week I can say that these movies have changed me. I am truly a member of la familia. I am secretly Dom Toretto’s first cousin twice removed. I am played by Timothee Chalamet but he’s incredibly ripped now. I drive a Toyota Prius with a V12 engine and helicopter blades on top. I will be introduced in F13: Revenge of the Cars, a movie that was filmed in 1983 but will be released in 2024 with zero context.

REVIEW: MULAN 2020 is The Highest Budget Hallmark Movie

5 September 2020 by Chris Ryan 2 Comments

On Thursday, March 19th, 2020, I was scheduled to attend a press screening of Disney’s Mulan. I thought this would be a totally normal event – and the last screening I attended was not too long prior: The Hunt (a movie so egregiously bad I couldn’t even bring myself to review it). But on March 12th, I was informed that the screening had been cancelled as the release of the film had been postponed. Needless to say, a few other significant events have taken place since then.

Because of this, Mulan 2020 kept piquing my interest. I was already invested into the concept of the film: the original 1998 film is a classic, and while this one was certainly different, I thought the trailer looked really good. In any event, when the time finally came for its release, I couldn’t wait to take a look.

HONORING THE PAST

2020’s Mulan is a testament to Disney’s in-house production teams’ ability to make only one kind of film anymore: the high-budget, low-effort blockbuster. This is really all you can find looking back at their previous releases. From shot-for-shot live action remakes of their animated successes, to 22 superhero stories that they know will draw an audience just because of the Marvel name. They know that if the poster says ‘Disney’ on it, people will buy it, and because of that, they really don’t have to try.

So can you tell I wasn’t the biggest fan of Mulan 2020?

The movie also draws upon its recent predecessors stylistically. That is to say, even though the tone of the plot is very different, if this movie came on during a Marvel movie marathon, it wouldn’t be all too jarring. It’s shot in the same way: big establishing shots of the lush CGI world they built, faster-than-you-can-blink cuts during action sequences, and shots that are staged almost exclusively with trailers or promotional videos in mind.

I will give them this: in our home theater, we have a very good screen, and this movie was a great way to showcase that. Most of the recent releases on Disney+ are presented in 4K UHD with Dolby Vision, so even a shot of a bug crawling on the ground looks fantastic.

BE TRUE

One of the biggest headlines about this movie before it even came out was that it was a more ‘realistic’ telling of the Mulan legend. They nixed the songs, the dragon sidekick, and all the other cartoon-y choices that the 1998 version added themselves.

I was very interested in this as soon as this was announced. Yes, the soundtrack to the 1998 version is good, but it only has four songs anyway, so I wouldn’t miss them (sidenote, if you like the soundtrack of the original, do yourself a favor and research how much of a mess it apparently was to make). And while Mushu is a fun character, I’m always in favor of changing that type of thing for realism – I’m a big fan of how it was done in Aladdin on Broadway to change the monkey sidekick into three human friends of Aladdin.

However, maybe the biggest reason I was looking forward to a new take on the plot, was following the recent Lion King movie – a full blown shot-for-shot remake of the original with almost nothing added and almost nothing removed. A new telling of the story means that it’s more likely to justify its purpose as a live action remake, something that none of them have been able to do thus far.

Ultimately, this was not the result. The movie relies very heavily on its audience’s pre-existing knowledge of the original film, despite being so starkly and, honestly, harshly different from it. It’s loaded with visual references to the original. Something will happen, and the film will pause for a beat, and wait for the audience to say “Hey, that’s the thing from the original movie, I remember that!” Or the soundtrack, which, while not including the lyricized songs from the original, plays the instrumentals of them in emotional moments, so you again say “Aww, I remember that.”

I say it comes off as harsh because while the movie devotes so much time to profiting off of the audiences memory of the first, it’s also completely different plot-wise. While we hear the powerful instrumental of ‘Reflection’ from the first film, we watch our new Mulan use the force to kick arrows into the chest of a nameless enemy.

Yeah, I guess we should talk about the force.

MULAN’S MIDI-CHLORIANS ARE OFF THE CHARTS

1998’s Mulan is a movie that empowers young girls to take a stand, and shows them that even if the world says they’re of less value, they can be just as strong and powerful as those that hold them down. You would think that, in (current year), 2020’s Mulan would try to do the same. And to an extent, it does, but it does so oh-so strangely.

From literally the very first scene, Mulan is described as using Chi. Now, I’m aware that chi is a real thing in Chinese culture. It’s described as an underlying principle in traditional Chinese medicine or martial arts. And, while it is a ‘force’ that is in tune with your energy flow, the movie treats it as a midi-chlorian-style ‘force that binds us’ that can be used to grant someone jedi-like abilities in dexterity.

It’s underlying message may be one of female-empowerment, but the movie pushes very heavily that Mulan can only succeed because she has some innate supernatural ability. She is a weak fighter – everyone in the Imperial Army seems to be. But by harnessing her ‘inner Chi’ she can be ‘just as good as the men.’ It’s very bizarre, and honestly belittles her character. She’s never able to take down opponents one-on-one: every single fight she takes part in ends with her “controlling her Chi” to do a flip-kick and toss a spear or an arrow back into them.

The film even does a Revenge of the Sith-level side plot where a villain who has mastered their Chi tries to influence Mulan into joining the ‘dark side,’ so that she can realize the full potential of her power.

THE HIGHEST BUDGET HALLMARK MOVIE

Obviously I felt strongly enough about this to make it the title of the review, but it’s true. The movie is all around just pretty mediocre. We followed up our viewing of Mulan by watching 2019’s The Lion King, which, let’s just say, I’m notably not a fan of. At least with The Lion King (while upsetting that it exists), it is still just ‘The Lion King’ so it’s a fun story with fun songs and is just fun in general. Mulan 2020 is really very different from the original film in about every aspect. This upsets me, because like I said before, that normally would be a reason that I would enjoy it. But it’s different in a few too many ways.

This is a humourless, bland, movie. There is action, the music is good. It’s very pretty to look at. Most of the costumes are nice. But I don’t think I would ever bother watching it again because most unfortunately of all, it’s just boring.

This Mulan is the equivalent of, instead of watching the original film, someone just describes to you the original Ballad of Mulan upon which it is based. The pacing is very strange, so it feels like someone just telling the story in a very haphazard way. And, despite starring seasoned vets like Donnie Yen and Jet Li, the acting is notably bad. Aside from Jason Scott Lee, every actor here gives the most lackluster boring performances of their career. For some, like Jet Li, it feels like the only filmed one take before he just walked off set and they had to use it.

Because of all of this, it truly feels like a Hallmark movie in both it’s plot and it’s production. The acting is subpar, the plot and writing is very low-quality, the special effects feel rushed, the list honestly goes on.

There’s more I could say about the plot alone, like how the villains (specifically the witch Xian Lang) are legitimately the only redeemable characters. Every member of the Imperial Army and of her own family dislikes and belittles Mulan, and she relentlessly follows them to the ends of the earth regardless. Meanwhile, the villains of the movie, donned in all black, with mysterious intent and magical witch in tow, provide a Palpatine-esque alternative that actually sounds way more appealing than what any of the other characters are offering Mulan.

IN CONCLUSION

I don’t want it to sound like this is a terrible terrible movie that is not worth anyone’s time. It’s not. It’s, at worst, “okay.” But it’s also the -nth “okay” movie that Disney has released in a row, and it’s tiresome at this point. This is objectively a better film than The Lion King, for example, but it’s so boring and bizarre that that’s like saying an ant bite is better than a bee sting – I’d still rather not have either.

What makes it worse, is that it’s thirty freaking dollars – or at least $29.99. Not including the Disney+ subscription that everyone who will watch this movie undoubtedly already has. Very, very few movies are worth that much, and there is absolutely no universe at all in which this one is.

REVIEW: ONWARD is Pixar’s Step Backwards

21 February 2020 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

It may be bold of me to say, but in my opinion, Pixar has somewhat of a rough track record. I think they succeed pretty well at making entertaining films. But only a few have been notably exceptional. Onward is in an interesting position to review. I’m still not entirely sure whether I liked all of it or not.

THE QUEST BEGINS..

I had absolutely no expectations of this movie before watching it. I enjoy Tom Holland and Chris Pratt on their own well enough, but I hadn’t really even been following much of the promotion for the movie. Some of the art looked fun, and I really enjoyed the music choice for the trailer – which is honestly enough to sell me most of the time (and why I plan on seeing F9).

I knew I would inevitably see Onward anyway because the trailer starts with 5 letters and a little lamp jumping on screen. That’s what begins the issues with Onward for me, conceptually.

©2019 Disney/Pixar. All Rights Reserved.

The past couple Pixar releases have felt off, personally. I still haven’t seen the Good Dinosaur, I missed Finding Dory until 3 years later, Cars 3 was bad, and Toy Story 4 just felt like a tech demo for their animation interns to work on that they accidentally released.

And even though I did actually like Finding Dory, Incredibles 2, and Coco, they did still feel a bit lazy. Pixar definitely has a particular format they like to stick to – I won’t blame them, it seems to work commercially every time. But Onward is the 22nd film in their collection of releases, and honestly feels exactly the same as 98% of them.

THE CURSE

Onward seems like it missed the mark on quite a few subjects to me. The art style feels weird, to be blunt. In a world with actual magic and fantasy characters, I don’t see the need to give every character an odd humanoid face, even if they have only one absurdly large eye.

It all looks a little odd, and I wish they would’ve done something a bit more creative. The main character of the film even looks like a recolor of Linguini from Ratatouille, which is something that I would think they could avoid.

But my disagreements with the world don’t stop there. Something about the atmosphere just feels kind of cheesy and almost lame. For all intents and purposes, the setting of the film is really doing the same job as that of Shrek, which somehow seems to pull it off more convincingly. That’s a sentence I didn’t think I’d be able to write.

A LITTLE MAGIC

What I did manage to like from the atmosphere of Onward is honestly just because I enjoy the fantasy genre as a whole. It could’ve been anything on screen but if they were doing magic with wizards and pulling out D&D terms I would be on board. There is certainly a bit of charm that comes along with the Pixar touch, but I don’t think this is something that had to try incredibly hard to pull off.

And that’s my biggest issue of all – it felt pretty easy. The art style was incredibly similar to things they’ve done before (even to things the Director had made before with the studio). The score was safe and almost nonexistent in some parts.

The things the “Inclusion Team” allegedly insured were in the movie were really bare minimum and easily modifiable for foreign markets that still don’t accept characters being openly gay. All of this making it all feel very unnecessary and almost as if they were forced to include them but were graded on completion, not accuracy.

ANCIENT HISTORY

So what’s the issue, really? Well, co-star of our Up the Waterfall podcast, Scott Otis, pointed out to me that Pixar has had a couple years in the past with two releases: The Good Dinosaur and Inside Out, Cars 3 and Coco, and now Onward and Soul. So statistically, maybe I’m just not a fan of Onward so that I can be a fan of Soul.

But in all seriousness, I didn’t hate everything about Onward. There were some funny moments, and I think even Pixar’s worst is always an entertaining time. There are definitely people who will like this. But for me, it just feels like another tired attempt for Pixar to play it safe and stick to their patented Pixar-style punch-you-in-the-gut emotional coming of age stories based on half-baked “What if?” ideas.

I would love to see them do something different, and take a massive risk. With the massive budget and solid teamwork they now have, I’m surprised they’ve stuck to this format for so long. The Pixar Sparkshorts on Disney+ are an interesting first attempt at this, but none have really stood out to me on their own, and they definitely feel like something that a small team makes every month or so on their lunch breaks.

ONWARD REVIEW

Pixar used to be known for pushing the medium of animation forward with compelling new takes. Their films were a fun break from the typical cliches of family animation. Now they’re essentially pushing out Disney’s B-stories that don’t get the bigger spotlight. And sequels.

So is Pixar truly taking a step backward with Onward? It depends on how much you’re able to relate to all of their stories – for me, not a whole lot. Or how much an emotional ending is enough to convince you you liked the movie on your way out of the theater. Again, not much here for me. Maybe it just depends on how much you’re able to enjoy a kids’ movie without thinking about it too much. And clearly I can’t.

But that’s just me.

REVIEW: Look At This PHOTOGRAPH

13 February 2020 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

There’s a new great romantic classic to watch on Valentine’s Day this year. The Photograph is one I’m excited to review.

Regardless of me being graciously invited to this screening, I would have no doubt made plans to see this film on my own. The Photograph features Issa Rae and LaKeith Stanfield, two stars whose work has never been shy of amazing in my eyes. That fact alone was enough to sell me on it.

Luckily there was so much more in store.

A NEW ROMANCE

If you’ve seen any trailers for The Photograph, then you’ll know the basic plot – a reporter profiling a man in Louisiana finds there’s more to the story than he initially thought.

I’ll cut right to the chase, The Photograph isn’t anything incredibly groundbreaking. But it doesn’t necessarily need to be. For someone who’s always enjoyed this type of movie, The Photograph really worked. It’s the kind of movie that helps you remember what’s important, what’s worth committing to, and what’s worth sometimes leaving behind.

The romance genre is ready for another powerhouse like The Notebook, and I think The Photograph could fill that position. If nothing else, I at least appreciate the growing list of romantic films named after everyday items.

Of course it wouldn’t be a review by me if I didn’t mention the soundtrack, and this one was nice. There’s not very much in the way of a score (though what was there I did enjoy), but the actual songs used throughout really add to the overall mood. It’s something to get you in the mood that you can just vibe to, and felt very natural.

A GRAND PERFORMANCE

As I hinted at before, I’ll see literally anything with LaKeith Stanfield. And I’m a big Issa Rae fan too. Their performances in this were top notch.

The connection they had was genuine, and you felt as if they had actually been through this, and were experiencing this in real time. I honestly would not have been surprised if I had walked out of the theater, opened twitter, and saw they were actually dating. They felt that real.

And they weren’t the only ones! Rob Morgan and Chanté Adams have great chemistry too. Their characters add a surprising amount of depth that I didn’t anticipate, but certainly appreciated.

To top it off, when the movie was funny, it was funny. The whole cast felt like they had experience in comedic roles for the stage – that is to say, the pacing of the comedic moments felt really great, which is something that usually I can’t say for mainstream comedy.

THE PHOTOGRAPH

Overall, expect to laugh, expect to cry, and expect to enjoy it. There are some movies I see where I just get to enjoy them, and writing a review for The Photograph was one of those times. January is always a fun time at the theaters because it’s right after the heavy awards season, and movies can just be movies for fun. And this one was certainly fun.

REVIEW: Cats Was a Very Confusing Time

19 December 2019 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

I feel like there are a few things I should preface before this review. I am into theater, and really like musicals (I even liked the Tom Hooper version of Les Miserables), so I had already obviously been aware of Cats 2019. When the trailer came out, I think people reacted poorly because the characters look like people – not cats – but that’s what the original is, so it didn’t bother me at all.

But this is about where my knowledge ends. Other than the ‘Memory’ song, and the general idea that there wasn’t really much of a plot in the stage show, I had no prior impressions.

That being said, as the days counted down to my viewing of this movie, I found myself getting more and more excited about the prospect of seeing it. Let me be clear, in the four days before this movie, I watched all 10 previous Star Wars movies, and then attended a showing of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, and somehow was *still* more blindly excited for Cats. I was prepared for it to be a trainwreck that was funny in how bad it was, and mostly laughable because of the absurdity of it all. Surprisingly this was not the case.

Cats 2019 lives in a weird place in my head, because unlike all other things I’ve properly reviewed, I don’t necessarily ‘like it’ or ‘not like it’. There are a few movies like this for me – when you see 60+ new releases in the year, it happens. But I didn’t think Cats would be one of them.

Jellicle Cats

There are certainly a few things that really bothered me, but there were more than a few things that I did really enjoy. When this movie works, it really works. I think Tom Hooper did an excellent job in transferring this adaptation to the screen, and more so, Andy Blankenbuehler did an incredible job in modernizing the performances – but I’ll elaborate on that later.

So, let me begin with the few things that bothered me. One of the more annoying ones is hard to describe. I’m inclined to say ‘the cast,’ but I don’t know that having anyone different could’ve fixed the issue.

If you’ve seen any of the trailers you’ll be very aware of the star-power of this movie. Dame Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, Idris Elba, James Corden, the list goes on. Most of these celebrities play really very minor roles in the movie, and are more used to get people to come see it – as in, “Come see Cats starring Rebel Wilson” rather than, “Come see Cats, with the strange singing CGI animals.” But even with these minor roles, characters like Rebel Wilson-cat and James Corden-cat still manage to feel annoying and unnecessary. None of their one-liner “funny” banter occurred in any of the songs, and as a result felt like more of an obligation from the producers than an actual moment from the director.

The single thing that bothered me the most, though, was the scale. That is, the sizing of objects in relation to the cats, or even in relation to other objects. It’s one thing if a stage production of Cats the Musical has props that aren’t all directly proportionate to the cats themselves or the set around them, but when the $95M budget film version does it, it comes off as absurd.

It sounds like a minor gripe, but it really was very noticeable in some parts of the movie. It’s very hard to describe in text alone, but even if you’re not looking for it, I think you’ll definitely see it when you watch the movie. It’s even visible in some shots of the trailer – look at the surrounding objects and scenery during the Rebel Wilson shots.

Musical Cats

The last thing I wasn’t the biggest fan of, was the new original song. For the soundtrack of this version, they actually stayed mostly true to the 80s-synth-style backing tracks of the original, which I think made it a lot more fun and exciting. It certainly worked with the visual look they were trying to go for. But, as is the case with movie musicals, they added a new song that was not in the original. This track, ‘Beautiful Ghosts,’ was co-written by Taylor Swift and original composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, and it’s very easy to tell who wrote which parts.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very big Taylor Swift fan, but when this very stylized neon-dreamscape musical experience turns into a Taylor Swift music video halfway through, it feels very out of place. The same could be said about Swift’s take on the ‘Macavity’ track from the original. I like her songs, but she doesn’t have a very theatrical voice, and as a result, that otherwise totally fine scene feels like Taylor Swift running around in a cat outfit.

Conversely, as I started to say, I really enjoyed nearly all of the rest of the songs. Jason Derulo and Jennifer Hudson are the major players here, and they really make it worth their while. James Corden obviously entertains. But this starts to touch on another issue I had, the lack of spotlight for the rest of its cast.

Theatrical Cats

The ‘main character’ of the movie is played by Francesca Hayward, a principal ballerina at the Royal Ballet, but she isn’t shown very often. I’m okay with this because she’s actually the most uninteresting of all of the cats – her character isn’t in the original, she just plays the role of the audience, to whom many of the songs are directly sung in the original. But I think the best performances come from Robbie Fairchild and Laurie Davidson. They have gotten absolutely zero public press, but are far and away the most entertaining members of the cast.

Visually this movie is a treat, if you can look past the scaling issue. With Andy Blankenbuehler – of Hamilton and In the Heights fame – it’s no surprise the choreography was amazing. Even the simple addition of tail-choreography (something not possible in the stage version), works so well. I noticed too that the director was very successful in making the audience aware of the position of each independent cat at all times, a sure challenge with such a large ensemble that’s always on screen. This made it feel like a stage production that was just filmed, rather than a movie version of a musical.

Fantastical Cats

I thought the experience, as a whole, was fun. It has its lows, which every production does, but it never stopped being entertaining. That’s what makes it so conflicting to rank amongst other movies this year. Was it bad? Aspects, yes. I didn’t even touch on the objectively off-putting CGI, but that’s because during some parts of the movie it’s not even noticeable because of how fun the numbers are. But it wasn’t terrible by any means.

I think if you don’t like musicals, you won’t like Cats, because the barrier to entry is pretty unforgiving, even for the stage version. But if you do, you’re likely already able to look past all of its shortcomings to appreciate the parts you will like even more.

Maybe the real cat was the friends we made along the way.

REVIEW: The Rise of Skywalker

18 December 2019 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

To prepare for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, I watched all 10 previous Star Wars films – yes, including Solo and Rogue One, in the span of 4 days. 20+ hours of content, all leading up to this. And yes, it was worth it.

Before I get too far, I’ve ALREADY seen some spoilers floating around online, so I’d like to be clear that I will not be spoiling anything in this review. But if you’d like to be extra cautious and not read anything, just know that I liked it.

..Spoiler.

A Fitting End to the Greatest Story of Our Generation

Since The Force Awakens was released, the sequel trilogy has been my favorite of the three. Something about it has felt so much more full of life and fully realized than either the original nor the prequels ever did. Doing this full marathon ahead of time only strengthened that belief for me.

A lot of people like to find issue with 2017’s The Last Jedi, but I personally loved it. I do recognize some things I think Rian Johnson attempted that didn’t work out as well as others, but I don’t think that those mistakes were to the detriment of the story as a whole.

The Rise of Skywalker, to me, was a fitting end to this trilogy. I think they identified some of those things that didn’t work out so well, and paid them off tenfold.

I think it’s also just a good movie. Star Wars to me has always been successful at being a well made film on top of an interesting story and exciting action. The music, the visual atmosphere, the direction, are all excellently done. Also, it was funny. Like, really funny. When watching this full marathon of movies, C3-PO is one of the only constant characters through the full length of the story, but I never thought he was particularly notable. In this movie, not only is he a major player, he’s very funny!

I have seen a very large amount of new 2019 releases this year, so I don’t think this was a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe that it was the best Star Wars has been executed on the screen, and I’m willing to defend that position (though most of that defense contains spoilers).

Succession of Skywalker

The Rise of Skywalker is a movie with a lot happening. Despite that, it never felt rushed, and it never felt like there was more than the director could handle.

One of my gripes with Last Jedi was that for the majority of the runtime, it juggles three story arcs of varying importance, and only one of them was really very exciting. Constantly switching between these unrelated events did make it feel very clunky at times. Skywalker did not have this issue.

It perfectly handles the amount of characters it has to carry (akin to Kevin Feige’s management of the MCU entourage), and is able to introduce new stakes without it seeming incredibly far fetched or rushed to try and clean them up.

Legacy of Skywalker

I will not be going into incredible detail, because I know that personally I would consider anything about Star Wars a spoiler, otherwise I could go on and on about specific moments that I think were incredibly masterful. It paid tribute to the legacy of the original films and of Carrie Fisher. It definitely was an honest homage to what Star Wars has become.

I know that some people will not like this movie. With a fanbase of this scale, you can’t please everyone, and Disney/Lucasfilm is already on thin ice to most people because of Last Jedi and because of general lack of faith with JJ Abrams. That upsets me, honestly, because I do think that, to genuine Star Wars fans, this is a fantastic finale. It is, in every aspect, a Star Wars movie. For every great moment in the previous movies, this one single film has a version of that and it was amazing.

A vocal group of Star Wars fans believe that the story should’ve ended with Return of the Jedi, and that everything since has been a mistake, and will never be as good as the originals. Obviously this is an incredibly narrow minded view, but I think it’s especially frustrating, because the amount of care and respect that has gone into the sequel trilogy is truly immeasurable. Skywalker is the culmination of those efforts.

I think the best recommendation that I can make is that if you go into the theater expecting to not like this movie because it’s not the three movies you saw from the original trilogy back in the day, then you won’t like it. Skywalker doesn’t try to recreate Return of the Jedi. It doesn’t even try to recreate The Empire Strikes Back. Skywalker is its own story and will define its own path.

Thankfully, I will be seeing it again very soon, and am very excited to do so. I think this quote from the Last Jedi sums the film up well:

“We are what they grow beyond”
– Master Yoda

REVIEW: Frozen 2 Stays Warm

21 November 2019 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

If you were to read all of my other reviews on here and make an assumption as to what I thought of Frozen II, you would probably guess that I didn’t like it. And I’m happy to say that would be very incorrect!

I’ll start by saying that I had no expectations at all. I liked the original Frozen, but I certainly wasn’t obsessed with it or anything. I didn’t think it was anywhere near their best animated feature, but it was enjoyable. Fun and funny and fresh and new. Deep down somewhere, I was probably a little worried for Frozen II, because the previous animated film before this was another sequel, and worse, it was Ralph Breaks the Internet. I knew it couldn’t get worse than that, at least.

Luckily all of these slight worries were immediately sheltered in Frozen II. I thought that it too was fun and funny, and despite being a sequel to one of the most popular movies of the decade, it felt very new too. The characters we quickly came to love (or come to appreciate via Stockholm Syndrome of their impact on the company) are back, and they feel just like they did 6 years ago. I guess Some Things Never Change (cue theme of using the song titles in this post).

Frozen was certainly a notable moment in Disney history, and I think Frozen II was a very appropriate successor.

From the Academy Award®-winning team—directors Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck, and producer Peter Del Vecho—and featuring the voices of Idina Menzel, Kristen Bell, Jonathan Groff and Josh Gad, and the music of Oscar®-winning songwriters Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, Walt Disney Animation Studios’ “Frozen 2” opens in U.S. theaters on Nov. 22, 2019.
©2019 Disney. All Rights Reserved.

All Is Found

The biggest factors that contribute to this are twofold. Technically, this movie is stunning. It’s incredibly beautiful, and it’s the first Disney movie I had seen in this IMAX theater that I actually thought really benefited from that format. The backgrounds are crazy intricate, and the characters even better. The environments feel very breathable, and despite a lot of them being very new, they immediately feel welcoming and real.

The Frozen 2 soundtrack is the other key factor here. It’s no surprise that Frozen had a great soundtrack, that, like it or not, produced some of the most prolific Disney songs in recent memory. I can only speak for myself here, but I think the new film matches that and then some. I never knew I needed Jonathan Groff singing an 80s rock ballad with a bunch of reindeer, but apparently I did, and I don’t know how I lived without it. Obviously I can’t predict whether they will all be hits or not, but I can very easily imagine that being the case.

REINDEER GAMES — – In Walt Disney Animation Studios’ “Frozen 2,” Kristoff and Sven find themselves among a herd of reindeer. Featuring Jonathan Groff as the voice of Kristoff (and Sven), “Frozen 2” opens in U.S. theaters on Nov. 22, 2019. © 2019 Disney. All Rights Reserved.

Even the musical motifs that are carried through the length of the film are incorporated so masterfully that they connect all of the songs together, or even connect some songs to songs in the original film. I was *very* impressed.

The Next Right Thing

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Ralph Breaks the Internet more though – that is to say, why I think this movie succeeds where that one did not at all. Ralph 2, for me, (and for Zannaland herself) felt like it lacked any real purpose, and didn’t gain it by the end. It showed a story we didn’t care about, with characters we didn’t need to hear more from, and was comprised largely of elements that just didn’t work together right for me. Ralph 2 got Lost in the Woods, but Frozen 2 stayed the path through and through.

The biggest issue, though, (and where I think Frozen II shines brightest) was that Ralph 2 felt incredibly un-Disney. Frozen II is a Disney movie through and through, and one that I know I will happily watch again and again, which I think I can say about exactly zero other Disney sequels. And, oh yeah, it was FUNNY! There were a lot of moments where I genuinely laughed, which is a nice change of pace from, say Maleficent 2, where I laughed more out of fear that it would never end.

Overall, Frozen II was great fun, and I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to go back to listening to the Panic! at the Disco cover of ‘Into the Unknown’ for the 300th time. INTO THE UNKNOOOOOOOOWN!

Magical and larger than life, Elsa is the perfect mythic character—but she can’t help but wonder why she was born with powers. What truths about the past await Elsa as she ventures into the unknown to the enchanted forests and dark seas beyond Arendelle? Featuring Idina Menzel as the voice of Elsa, Walt Disney Animation Studios’ “Frozen 2” opens on Nov. 22, 2019. © 2019 Disney. All Rights Reserved.

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REVIEW: Last Christmas – The Gift We All Need This Season

7 November 2019 by Suzannah Otis Leave a Comment

My daughter Sophia and I have somewhat of an addiction to bad Hallmark movies. Luckily for us, there’s not one but two whole channels devoted to playing them year round. There are Halloween and fall-themes, generic romantic ones, and of course, Christmas love stories. Now, having said that, I will admit, probably about 97% of our viewing is so we can poke fun at it. I mean, they’re fun to set a mood, but the tropes are always the same. Straight woman can’t find love with straight man of same race, because she’s either a “career woman” that never had time for love, or has to to back to her home town to help take over a family business that’s failing, or about to be bought out by a big, mean, business man (who also happens to be single and her same race). Every now and then the main characters will already be in a relationship, but it’s all wrong, and the right person is just waiting for them back home…

So while I’m sure there are folks that take these movies very seriously, we are not those people. However that does not mean we aren’t hopeless romantics! One of my favorite movies is Love Actually, and I was thrilled when Sophia finally watched it a few years back and also fell in love. We also share a love for Moulin Rouge, so we aren’t scrooges I promise. Having been exposed to both really good and really bad romantic movies, we had high hopes for Last Christmas given the cast and story behind its creation. We were not disappointed.

The premise behind Last Christmas is taking George Michael’s famous Wham! song of the same name, and creating an entire movie around it. Sounds like a short movie, right? But really, that was just the impetus. The idea for this movie came about 10 years ago, and George Michael was approached and actually liked the idea, insisting on Emma Thompson’s involvement. They met several times and went over story ideas before his untimely death on Christmas day in 2016. It took a long time to get the story right, with Emma Thompson and Greg Wise writing treatments together. The development grew and evolved from there to what is sure to become an instant classic. Last Christmas has all the side character development and charm of Love Actually, where you actually care about the people on the screen and are glad you get to know a little more about them. It has all the important messaging of It’s a Wonderful Life (the inspiration for the director’s desire to make a classic Christmas movie) without being heavy handed or feeling like the audience is manipulated.

Kate used to feel special, but got sick and now that she’s better, her life is a shambles. She works in a Christmas shop and auditions as a singer/actress on the side. Suddenly Tom appears and things start to “look up.” He helps her realize that life is about more than just trying to make yourself happy, it’s about helping others be happy too. I won’t reveal more than that, but the story does have a twist, which Sophia and I both guessed, but it didn’t make it any less powerful.

The rest of the film is full of beautiful London scenes and quirky characters, along with some real world issues to confront as well. George Michael’s compelling music is woven throughout, acting like another character in the story, a literal chorus with a message to share. It’s truly a multi-level gift, the movie itself, the wonderful acting and story, and the music; reborn for a new audience to enjoy and appreciate. (And older audiences, as I instantly wanted to download the soundtrack on my way home, but settled for my George Michael playlist).

Last Christmas also normalized a lot of hot button issues (that frankly shouldn’t be hot button issues in 2019), like mixed race couples, same-sex couples, immigration, homelessness, and our preconceptions. It was great to see a movie come out and not attempt to capitalize or divide based on those issues, but rather just be a mirror to real life and the many people that live in it.

I cannot wait to see this movie again, and to be able to watch it every year as I do with Love Actually. Until then, I will remain inspired by the many messages of love, self-reflection, selflessness, helping others, and I’ll remember to Look Up.

Last Christmas opens everywhere Friday, November 8th – Go see it!

You can get the soundtrack on Friday too:

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Disclaimer: I was invited to a screening of Last Christmas at no cost, but as always, my thoughts and opinions are my own.

REVIEW: There’s a New King in Town

11 July 2019 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

… Or is there?

Before I begin, I think it’s important I say that, like all of the most recent films produced by Disney, I wanted this to do well. I want nothing less than the next great film from the most successful media company there has ever been. That being said, these are my opinions.

To start this review, I actually want to digress into a quick anecdote. One of my favorite new modern bands is a group called Greta Van Fleet. They’re a rock band that sounds pretty similar to Led Zeppelin. However, to quite a lot of people – including one notably scathing review on Pitchfork – they’re just a cheap Zeppelin knock-off, mooching off the successful sound of Robert Plant and the like. I personally like the band, and didn’t really understand why these people had such a strong hatred for them. That is, until I saw 2019’s The Lion King.

There’s no need to worry about spoilers in this review, as this is, beat-for-beat, exactly the same movie that was released 25 years ago. Visually, it obviously does look very different (and we’ll get to that in a second), but at least 95% of the scenes in this are unchanged from the original, even going down to random establishing shots that could have been completely unique.

Can you feel the love tonight…?

THE LION KING – (Top to Bottom) Timon and Billy Eichner, Pumbaa and Seth Rogen and Zazu and John Oliver. Photo by Kwaku Alston. © 2019 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Before we get much farther, it’ll be important to note that this review is much harsher than those I usually write. This movie made me mad that it exists. This is equally as much a review of The Lion King as it is a review of Disney’s presence in the modern box office. I can justify that because very little changed between this and the original, leaving very little to review – though I’ll go over what I can.

The vocal performances (acting-wise) feel very lazy. This is embarrassing, because this has got to be one of the most expensive casts for any movie outside of the MCU lately. Something about this movie makes the completely star-studded cast feel like a B-Team. This is not without exceptions though. Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen steal the show every time they’re on screen. But notable greats like James Earl Jones and Chiwitel Ejiofor feel like they delivered one pass on their lines and left the studio. Everyone else falls very flat.

Song-wise, I really can’t complain. The songs are good regardless of who’s singing them, and since the two leads double as Grammy-winning vocalists, it’s no surprise that they’re good. The songs are actually where I would have wished they’d stayed true to the original. The original soundtrack is fantastic, and the Broadway score only brings more life and material to it. I did enjoy the new Beyoncé track, I just thought it was oddly placed. And the lyric changes to Be Prepared weren’t really terrible, it was just weird that they chose to change that, but leave in the exact same shot of Simba walking past a spiderweb in the Elephant Graveyard.

… because I could not.

THE LION KING – Featuring the voices of JD McCrary as Young Simba, Billy Eichner as Timon and Seth Rogen as Pumbaa, Disney’s “The Lion King” is directed by Jon Favreau. In theaters July 19, 2019. © 2019 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The animation is something that will come up often in discussions about this film. I recently watched Jon Favreau’s The Jungle Book for the first time, and it felt weird to me because of the juxtaposition between a human actor and uncanny valley animated creatures. The Lion King feels as weird somehow, without the use of a human actor.

I want to pause and say that while I have studied and practiced a bit of animation, I am by NO MEANS a professional. I didn’t care much for this movie, but I do give all the credit in the world to the incredible animation team. A lot of this movie does look absolutely amazing. I kept thinking that this would be a great demo reel for Samsung displays or something in the future. That being said, animators, please don’t kill me for the next section.

A lot of the problems I had with the vocal performances were that they were delivered as if it were a typical animated film. If you closed your eyes while watching this movie, I don’t think it would really feel out of place. The problem becomes introduced when the characters are hyper-realistic animals, which in the end, cannot convey complex emotion very well. The original Lion King works as an emotional experience (as do all hand-drawn films) because of how expressive the characters can be, even if they’re animals, or sometimes inanimate objects. When you take all of that facial expressiveness and cartoon performance out, it can be very difficult to connect.

Undoubtedly, people will feel emotions while watching this. Baby Simba is cute. Mufasa dying is sad. But that’s just the nature of animals themselves. I could have walked into the theater and been shown just a still-image of a baby lion, and still would have said, “Aw, cute”.

Long Live the King.

A FUTURE KING IS BORN – In Disney’s all-new “The Lion King,” Simba idolizes his father, King Mufasa, and takes to heart his own royal destiny. Featuring JD McCrary and Donald Glover as young Simba and Simba, “The Lion King” roars into U.S. theaters on July 19, 2019. ©2019 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

I really don’t understand why this was made the way it was, or who it’s for. Most of the audience watching this movie will remember the entire plot of the original, whether they grew up watching it, or just because it’s a big enough piece of pop culture to be ingrained in the minds of anyone who knows its name. So why, then, is it just exactly the same as the original?

My lasting impression was that it was just to make money off of people’s nostalgia, in the laziest (from an executive standpoint) way possible. The acting felt lazy and half-done. The screenplay was just copy/pasted by a temp. The score was legitimately just the original score with one or two new songs, which were moved to the credits.

There have been “live action” remakes in the past, and no, none have really been very good. But this one just feels like the most cruel of all. But they make them because they do make money. There definitely is an audience for these movies (whom I have not met). All I’ll say is that you vote with your wallet. Seven years ago, before it was even announced, I never thought I would be advising people against seeing a remake of one of my favorite Disney movies, but here we are.

Ultimately, this movie felt, to me, like a film-student’s final project. The animation is nice to look at, but it serves more as a weird gimmick than an entertaining movie. I could imagine myself scrolling through reddit and finding a post where someone re-animated The Lion King in Cinema 4D, and then it’s just the entirety of The Lion King (2019).

REVIEW: ‘Aladdin’ Could’ve Used a Magical Lamp

22 May 2019 by Chris Ryan Leave a Comment

To begin, I’ll say that this movie entertained me. To be fair, most Disney movies do – they’re lighthearted, often fairly funny, and usually have a bit of a spectacle to them/their experience. 2019’s Aladdin definitely checks all three of those boxes, but it does little outside of that.

Aladdin was fun to watch. From a design point of view, it was very interesting. I’m already very invested in Middle Eastern art and culture, and this film certainly managed to live in that world, arguably far more than the original did. And visually, it’s the equivalent to seeing a well developed Broadway show, like the ones Disney puts on (Aladdin, for example). That is to say, every musical number was a big show stopper that is definitely worth watching.

But outside of that, this film really lacks anything worthwhile.

Even after seeing it, I still wholeheartedly believe that this movie really did not need to be made. I don’t know that anyone was really clamoring for a live-action remake of a movie that’s only 27 years old, and didn’t really have many problems. Fans of the original are better off still watching the original, which is largely more charming than this version. And if you’re specifically seeking a bigger spectacle of Aladdin, the Broadway version still already exists, and while it’s not my favorite musical in the world, I think there is definitely good fun to be had, making this movie ultimately unnecessary.

This movie is admittedly more entertaining than the original, which to me never really stood out from that era’s other animated works. Like I said, the musical numbers are all as big and epic as you could ever want them to be – with all of the CGI in the world assisting Prince Ali make his big entrance. But those don’t necessarily add up to something worth more than the sum of its parts.

Will Smith is Genie in Disney’s live-action ALADDIN., directed by Guy Ritchie.

The musical numbers are actually, to me, the best parts of the film. They take Alan Menken’s wonderful original soundtrack and bring a vibrant new life to it, which fits perfectly in the vivid world the characters now live in. This is of course not including the two new songs written just for this film, both of which are sung by Jasmine. They were stylistically very clashing with the rest of the soundtrack, and felt almost as if Disney was just trying to make a song as “empowering” as ‘This is Me’, from The Greatest Showman, just because of how popular that song has become. Additionally, most of the ‘Prince Ali’ scene has actually already been posted to YouTube, and I think watching that clip is really all you need from this movie. It gives you a taste of exactly what to expect.

Will Smith’s performance is what actually keeps this movie from sinking under though. The musical numbers are great, but they are few and far between. Every time Smith was on screen he stole the show, which is actually important because most of the other performances felt nearly lifeless. Before the release of this, there was a lot of controversy about his appearance in the movie, and how they would pull it off. I didn’t really care one way or the other, but I definitely had no issue with him in the end.

Aladdin (Mena Massoud) meets the larger-than-life blue Genie (Will Smith) in Disney’s live-action adaptation ALADDIN, directed by Guy Ritchie.

Overall, it was indeed entertaining, but lacked any real purpose. The plot was more or less the same as the original, so it’s not as if they’re making any groundbreaking leaps or bounds in storytelling, which is bold for a remake of a movie only 27 years old. You can watch this movie and have fun, but you can watch the original and get the same emotional beats/moments. And simply listening to the soundtrack is enough to be satisfied for a “new” Aladdin.

There is something beautifully ironic about this movie being entirely surface-level though, as it mirrors Prince Ali’s character arc in the original film.

Parts of it felt like a Hallmark movie, parts of it felt like a Disney Channel Original Movie. It was just an odd thing that exists, but I’m not sure why. It was fun in the same way a direct-to-video sequel is fun. It exists purely to be looked at, and will be enjoyed largely because people like the original, and this movie didn’t change anything.

While it’s not a spoiler in any way, this movie ends with a black screen, you hear the words, “DJ Khaled… Anotha one!!” and the credits roll, and that should really speak for itself.